The gnawing hunger became relentless but what I needed wasn’t in the fridge. All was not well, and when I turned a deaf ear my spirit started signaling me through my belly.
I didn’t know how to listen back then, mostly because when I did, the feelings were too uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to deal with them. I started using cake, chocolate and various other edible numbing agents instead. It took lots of cake and suffering before I was ready to accept that it wasn’t about food.
Chronic dieting had been the perfect set-up for binge eating. Emotional eating repeatedly without investigation into the emotions driving the eating had trained my brain that the shortest path to emotional peace was eating. And because of the dieting, that took the form of every food and beverage I would deprive myself of for the week or two before the binge.